we saw the release of ‘Salaam Namaste’, starring Preity Zinta and Saif Ali Khan. Although i have yet not seen the movie but it is quite evident from the movie trailors and write-ups in newspapers and online that, the movie is promoting itself by claiming to be ‘haatke philum’ since the story is based on ‘Live-in relationship’. Well it is indeed, as far as i can think the first Bollywood movie showcasing ‘Live-in’ situation between a boy and a girl. And me thinks that Mr. Yash Chopra could’nt have found better actors then ‘Preity’ and ‘Saif’ because they both actually do follow somewhat similar pattern in real life other than reel life. (obviously not together but with different partners).

Saif since his spilt with long-time wife Amrita Singh, is currently living with his angrezi girl-friend Roza and Perity has a part-time live-in boyfriend Ness Wadia. Anyways the focus of my post is not the movie but the theme of the movie.

With the increase in number of couples opting for ‘cohabitation‘ over ‘marriage‘, be it in western countries or India, i would like to ask my fellow bloggers, what would they prefer if given the option to choose between the two ?
As for me, well i would rather stick to the old school of thoughts and choose marriage over the other.

My reason is simple –
The love that we all want from a partner is not possible without both having the commitment to try to make it last. Cooperation, compromise, that sort of thing. There’s a saying, “Happiness in marriage is not so much FINDING the right person as BEING the right person.”

If it’s easy to change one partner for another, where’s the incentive to develop staying power in a relationship? Instead people will think “I’m upset at my partner which means I’m with the wrong person. I’m going to get out so I can hook up with the right person.” It’s human nature, and and i think that this approach is creating increased numbers of people without the ability to sustain a long-term relationship.

I came across this interesting article based on a research findings published in 1991, which basically outlines ‘Eight Reasons Why Marriage Is Better than Cohabitation’. And they are :
1. Cohabitors have a different perspective on time than marrieds have. Marriage, by definition, means, “I will always be here for you.” Marrieds’ longterm contract encourages emotional investment in the relationship. In contrast, cohabitation for most seems to mean, “I will be here only as long as the relationship meets my needs.”

2. Cohabitation also affects the cohabitors’ children. In general, children’s emotional development is poorer if a parent is cohabiting than if a parent is married. This poor development is partly due to the high risk that the couple will break up. If the couple does separate, the children pay an economic price, since they have no right to child support from a partner who is not their biological parent. They also pay an emotional price when they lose a caring adult who may have taken a parental role but will do so no longer.

3. Cohabiting women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse. Some estimate that aggression is at least twice as common among cohabitors as it is among marrieds.

4. Although cohabitors try to protect their economic futures (with separate bank accounts, for example), married couples are better off financially.

5. Married men earn more than single men (nearly twice as much) and married women have access to more of men’s earnings than if they are single or cohabiting. This may be explained by the increased financial responsibility men feel when they marry many men have been heard to say, “Marriage made me get more serious about my career and making a good living.”

6. Cohabitors generally do not reap the physical health benefits enjoyed by married couples. Non-married people feel less healthy and have higher rates of mortality than the married. Compared to singles, married people as a group are also emotionally happier. Married couples are better connected to the larger community, including inlaws and church members who provide social and emotional support and material benefits.

7. Some people would be surprised to learn that marrieds have better sex lives than cohabitors. Although cohabitors have sex at least as often as marrieds, they are less likely to say they enjoy it. Marriage adds the essential ingredients of commitment and security to one’s sex life, making it more satisfying. In addition, marrieds are more likely than cohabitors to perceive love and sex as intrinsically connected.

8. Cohabitation may affect relationships with parents. In some families, cohabitation is no longer associated with sin, pathology, or parental disapproval. But in many families cohabitation is still considered morally wrong and embarrassing to extended family members. Cohabitors from those families risk damaging their relationships with their parents and experiencing the withdrawal of parental and extended family support for the relationship.

Another very interesting article which discusses certain facts behind Cohabitation.
UPDATE :
Here is another interesting article which states ‘few problems with cohabitation’ whether it is with or without the goal of ‘marriage’ in the future.
Many people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive. The “trial period” gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible. This analogy seems so compelling that people are unable to interpret the mountains of data to the contrary.

Here’s the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn’t have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

 

By

Arpit Mahadev Chhaya

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